Eating me inside-out

Tope says:

As I lay me down
I think of my woes and I groan
my heart skips at the sight of him
and seeing us together
all is well it would seem
but really, things have gone helter-skelter
as my mind has been for a long time
my peace of mind isn't even worth a dime
cos my emotions war with each other
slowly causing me murder
I feel pain, I feel hatred
I feel emotions that make my eyes go red
I'm killing myself softly
like clumsy Humpty Dumpty
breaking up from the inside
love waring with loathing in its stride
I'm burning from inside out
and I hear my heart's mournful shout
my being cries out in agony
as my blood cells commit felony. DH3¥

Never again

Tope says:

I've vowed today
never to give my heart away
I shall never fall in love again
I will never hurt myself in vain
for what is love but a pin-prick to the heart?
what are women but troublesome gnat?
their only reason on earth been reproduction
Living life with a woman is an option
and I prefer not to
cos I cannot feel pain anew
I cannot suffer my heart at their hands again
I prefer to be a lonely but happy man
than let my sanity painfully wan
forget about a dip in the fountain of Lur
Cos even the after-effect of the is a bore
I want total peace of mind like a monk
not a life that stinks like a skunk
I'll love me and me alone
no carnal thoughts, no female, no missing bone
Only me worrying about myself
The art of romance is not again for me to delve
Never again will I fell anything for ladies
Never again shall I reap loves bitter wages
may they all rot in the depth of Hades. DH3¥

Just pull the trigger

Tope says,

I stand here with no where to go

staring at you pointing the gun so

pointing it at me, ready to end my life

I know all I've put you through, the strife

how you loved me with all your heart

how I played you like ball on a bat

how I put your emotions in turmoil

your feelings simmering in let-down's oil

How you wanted me so much

that you forsook everything you owned

how you held me in a romantic clutch

I didn't know your thoughts were honed

I wish I knew as much

Everytime I cheated on you

you saw what was inevitably true

You saw that I wasn't really in love

and some of your advances turned me off

You knew that you couldn't have me

that what you wished couldn't be

Now you stand in my front

saying words so hurtful and blunt

Cos I cannot give you what you want

Now you've made it into a battle

one much greater than my mettle

And you seek my end in it's heat

Alas, I'm ready; just get it over with

I say it again one time another

just go on and pull the trigger.

I want to be cleansed

Tope says,

As I sit in this gathering,

listening to the words of God,

I've got this unending yearning.

To be cleansed of this worldly mud,

to be excused from the dirt of sin

and filtered of sin as it's been.

My heart cries for eternal salvation

my body needs complete purification

for I want to be in God's presence

and in His presence, sin is nonsense

I want to sit at His right hand

where around me angels shall stand

singing,''holy is the name of the Lord''

their voices as sharp as a  million swords

cutting through the devil's hordes

and making true God's word.

I want to be cleansed say I

so as to be with The Most High

Doppelganger

Tope says;

You look like a girl I used to know

Her voice as sweet as nectar

her enchanting hips swinging so low

the taste of her lips like ambrosia

Her eyes as clear as the azure sky

her wits so sharp and wry

You look like a girl I loved so much

one that intoxicated me like scotch

I cared for her than I did myself

cos she was as delicate as an elf

so slim, so lithe, so supple and soft

her touch set me afire

one that fueled my sole desire

To be with her forever

You remind of a she-devil

her heart completely full of evil

though her look was inviting and sexy,

her mind was cankerous and dirty

she was like a golden can of worms

her evil far deviates from the norms

You remind me of a foul player

you look so like her doppelganger

But I pray you aren't like her

cos I love you with all my heart

more than I loved her by far

and with you only I want to restart

Unshareable

Tope says:

I can't share you with anybody

cos you're not just a property

not something to be toyed with

and then shared with the person next-seat

you're an angel my dear

an angel I cannot bring myself to share

cos you've come to make my life better

and I want you to stay with me; forever

Now, choose between him and I

you are my heart, the apple of my eye

choosing him could kill me

but if you do, so shall it be

then you become his

and I do not deserve a parting kiss

cos I do not want to share you

I swear, under the skies so blue

I love no other as I do you, it's true

I wish we could share that fiery fire anew

but I do not want to share you, in anyway

so, you could either go or stay

and as much as I prefer the later

Alas, in your hands lie the matter 

Listening to me missing you

Tope says:

I feel it as my body slowly weakens

I hear it as my heartbeat shortens

my breath coming in laborious puffs

my feet immovable as if they're in cuffs

A life without you is not a life at all

I wish I could just climb a precipice and fall

but that wouldn't bring you back

that would only make me death's snack

and I choose live, life with you

I want my life, to start anew

I feel the tears burning my eyes

I regret all those unwarranted lies 

I know this pain is more than my size

I see it with my peripheral vision

that your heart has acquired an omission

and that missing thing is me

my link to your heart has broken free

I taste the bitterness of heartbreak

I smell your love for me as it recedes away

every step it takes makes my heart ache

and I tell myself, there should be a way

another way, that things should go

I know, I'm sure, things shouldn't be so low

but do I have a choice?

when you don't want to hear my voice

when you term it as unbearable noise

I see myself going down, sinking

but should I kill myself thinking?

Nirvana

Tope says:

Sometimes you get to somewhere you can't stay

even if it's Avalon so far away

for it might be a land of bliss

but that bliss isn't as much as you please

for what is a straight line with too many wobbles?

what is Avalon with so many troubles?

a pilgrim comes to the holy land not to stay

but to pay homage to God and pray

it's not everyday we get pacific beaches on which to lay

for sometimes, our dreams, adversaries do slay

but I hear of a state of mind

in which all worries are left behind

a state where one is one with God

Nirvana! A state after all not so absurd

The Overcomer

Tope says:

I came, I saw, I failed

but like a true scion of the land where I hailed

I picked my sword and got up

cos I'm never going to give up

this is only the beginning of my victory

and this is not the time to get jittery

there are still lots of obstacles on my way

and I intend to overcome them night and day

until that moment when I hear hooray!

then I shall know that I've made it

then shall I taste the honey of success so sweet

only then shall I say;

I came, I saw and I conquered

for all my life's problems I have slaughtered 

and now, I bask in my achievements golden ray

Heartbroken thoughts

Tope says:

I know you've moved on
I know you're unto the next one
and I do not blame you for this
I feel it as my emotions crease
I know everything you've endured for me
and although, pain is everything I see
although, pain is all I feel
I know one day, I shall heal
all you've left me are dregs an d slivers of my heart
as I'd feared right from the start
And although, all memories  of you I cherish
although I might not be able to get my wish
if fate wishes us to be
no matter how much you flee
you shall eventually come back to me 
if destiny does wants us together
no matter how far we are from each other
we shall inevitably come back for one another
And although, I know you've moved on
although, I know you're unto the next on
the feelings we share are not entirely gone